her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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