Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
