In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
birth control should be required to get into college
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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