how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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