You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Randomize
