Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Randomize
