Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
You're completely useless in the revolution.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
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