GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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