You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
