C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
