New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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