If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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