I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
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