I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Pants 0. Shit 1.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
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