Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
i think i have two assholes
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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