so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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