I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
