i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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