What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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