her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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