I accidentally had phone sex last night
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
