Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
