I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
