The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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