Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Randomize
