I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Randomize
