That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize
