went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
