her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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