Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
