I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
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