We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
