Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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