Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
