Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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