so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
