I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Randomize
