you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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