I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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