i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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