She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
