i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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