just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
