"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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