my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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