So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
