i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
