he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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