actually, I'm a sock model
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
