Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
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