And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
