Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
