Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
