I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
