In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize