He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
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