So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
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