You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
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