We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
